Department of Natural Sciences Obfuscation Committee needs YOUR help!

Ivory Tower University Department of Natural Sciences needs your help combatting the Expelled film and other alarming developments that threaten the spread of the materialist worldview:

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The troublesome issue of intelligent design (known simply as ID) is one that every science educator needs to be prepared to deal with. The issue threatens our society on several levels. For example, how can our nation hope to compete in an increasingly technological world unless our budding new scientists believe life is a purposeless cosmic accident? The very integrity of science is in danger. In fact, the continued existence of civilization might be at stake. True science must always provide purely naturalistic answers, not simply follow the evidence where it leads. Unless we restrain the range of acceptable answers to scientific problems, we cannot guarantee appropriate, scientific conclusions. Such is our duty as educators. The following suggestions should make your job of shaping young minds somewhat easier.
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The primary skill you need is the ability to confuse and obfuscate - oh, and a ponderous voice* in which you can pronounce an obvious tautology as if it were a great truth (with the implication that anyone who sees that it is a tautology is just dense). Besides that, you need to pretend that great progress is being made hourly in fields that have seen little progress in decades. If you are the right person for all this, Dennis Wagner (dwagner@arn.org) has a job for you.

*Too young to have a ponderous voice? Well, practice a threatening little squeak and see what happens.